Written by Austin Thompson on September 17th, 2025
In our lives, saying yes to avoid the awkwardness of saying no can be much easier in the moment.
For example, how would you respond if:
Your manager at work asks you to complete additional tasks that you didn’t sign up for?
Your friends ask you for help or guidance when you want to rest?
Your family members ask you to complete errands for them more than you want to?
You care about these relationships and these people, so what’s the harm of saying yes to help them out instead of being able to accomplish something you needed or wanted to do with your spare time? This reflex of saying yes to avoid unpleasant emotions such as guilt, anxiety, or fear–as well as possible uncomfortable outcomes–can create the behavior of people pleasing. People pleasing is characterized as prioritizing others’ wants and needs at the personal expense of your own (Ooms, 2023).
You may say yes in order to preserve equanimity in your life, and it may not be detrimental to your wellbeing. However, by continually sacrificing your needs and wants to avoid conflict, make people in your life more comfortable, or to create a persona of kindness, your mental health will begin to be impacted. Some of the impacts experienced by people-pleasing individuals include lower self-esteem, loss of identity, inability to articulate needs and wants, greater emotional exhaustion, and an overall decline in mental health (Kuang, X., et. al., 2025). By continuing to sacrifice what you want or need in life for others, resentment can creep into your life and contribute to bitterness for your relationships and life.
You likely didn’t choose to fall into patterns of people pleasing, rather it is a habitual behavior that develops over time due to circumstances or benefits that can come from this behavioral reflex. For example, individuals who find themselves people pleasing may have started in order to seek approval from others and be liked, to feel useful to the people in their lives that they love, or to honor their sense of altruism that has transitioned into feeling obligated to help or take care of others (Ehman, K., 2021). This behavior may have served you at some point to receive more external validation and affection, leading to strengthening this response until you find yourself saying yes out of reflex, instead of a genuine desire to be helpful to others in their time of need.
Fortunately, people pleasing is a behavior that can be recognized, explored, and challenged. Doing so will allow you to create a life with greater agency and choice. If you are a person who loves to help others, understanding your people-pleasing reflex creates a space where you are inspired, not required, to help. When it comes to important relationships in your life, it is understandable that you want to help. It is important to distinguish between when you have the capacity to help others and say yes, and when you need time to prioritize your own needs and wants in these relationships. As a clinician, I see how people-pleasing behaviors are impactful to my clients’ sense of identity, their wants and needs, and their overall mental health. If you feel like you are struggling with people-pleasing behaviors, and saying yes too often in your life out of reflex, fear, or guilt, I would be honored to collaborate with you on a journey toward redeveloping your relationship with saying yes. Reach out to our office today to schedule an appointment.
References
Ehman, K. 2021. When Making Others Happy Is Making You Miserable: How to Break the Pattern of People Pleasing and Confidently Live Your Life. Zondervan., Google Scholar.
Kuang, X., Li, H., Luo, W., Zhu, J., & Ren, F. (2025). The Mental Health Implications of People-Pleasing: Psychometric Properties and Latent Profiles of the Chinese People-Pleasing Questionnaire. PsyCh journal, 14(4), 500–512. https://doi.org/10.1002/pchj.70016
Ooms, V. 2023. Do It for You: How to Stop People‐Pleasing and Find Peace. Vanooms Media INC.
